A Calf Needs a Cow’s Milk, But You Don’t

Published in the Wisconsin State Journal on Saturday, October 15, 2011

The first and only legitimate use for a cow’s milk is to feed her calf. 

Every other use that follows was forced on us by tradition, habit, marketing, questionable science, political pressure or any of those in varying combinations that arrived glass by fat-lined glass when we were defenseless children. 

It’s time to throw them off and move on to a diet that excludes many of the dairy choices we’re making.

The recent, annual World Dairy Expo at the Alliant Energy Center in Madison was a fascinating spectacle. All that effort bent at balancing the weight of a cow’s daily milk production with her daily manure production. Despite that, one irrefutable fact remains: The first and the only legitimate use for a cow’s milk is to feed her calf. 

A charity chili cook-off was held a week ago in La Crosse. The charity part of it was admirable. The inclusion of ice cream chili in the competition was not. La Crosse was also the place I first heard about dessert pizza. I’ve tried but have been unable to put both of those dietary horror stories out of my mind. To balance them off I think of Org.

Org was the person who walked out of a cave and discovered an animal with double the number of cordial orifices that, until then, were not in her or his experience base. Org noticed that one or more of the orifices were dripping a white substance. The rest is history. 

The only other thing you should know is that Org never studied nutrition. Org was simply struggling to exist in a hostile environment. To Org fat was good. The consequences leading from its ingestion were not part of Org’s experience base, which is very much to the point here.

There is enough fat in milk to kill you if you drink enough of it over a relatively short period of time. Milk made into cheese intensifies the fat concentration. So eating a chunk of Colby or a pizza will kill you even faster. If they don’t they’ll treat you to quadruple bypasses or any number of wonderful, similar procedures. If you’re lucky enough to escape those, then your waist size will double what it was in high school and you’ll find yourself clogging the aisles of markets in a borrowed electric chair.

To the left of my keyboard is a little tub of light yogurt (yoghurt). When I’m done writing this it goes in the garbage. Most yoghurt is made with an enzyme you don’t want to know about that was, way back in time, derived from a cow’s stomach. 

Now that enzyme probably comes from a bunker located off Exit 8-A of the New Jersey Turnpike. The tub here next to my keyboard is different. Although I can’t be entirely sure, I suspect its enzyme was derived from Jamie Lee Curtis and flown here from either France or Greece.

What is sure about the tub is that its first ingredient is non-fat yoghurt. That’s not what the little tub contains. It is only its first ingredient. After that come modified corn starch, fructose and kosher gelatin followed by 13 other ingredients that have no relation to cow’s milk except for the fact that they’re part of a delivery system connected to the burgeoning dairy industry that combines tradition, habit, marketing, questionable science and political pressure to put the tub in a dairy case near you. 

You’re not buying yoghurt when you buy the little tub. You’re buying into an illusion that will, given time, either make you sick or kill you. The illusion is that you’re making a good choice in buying the tub of yoghurt, or any of the other products out there running wild in a dairy case near you. 

Well, fellow cheese heads, that isn’t true unless you know what’s in the product and how it will affect your health. If you don’t you are Org, just out of the cave, making a decision you only think is good.

Link to the essay in the Wisconsin State Journal: http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/opinion/column/karl-garson-a-calf-needs-a-cow-s-milk-but/article_e8b46642-f6b3-11e0-aa81-001cc4c03286.html

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